ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
