Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
