i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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