I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
