I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
