he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
