Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
