turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
