Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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