dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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