Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
