What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
