Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
