I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
