my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
