I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
