Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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