You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
