So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
