I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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