Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
