arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I will pee on everything he values.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
