I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
