Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize