She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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