i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
