to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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