Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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