Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
