Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
