Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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