Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize