I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
