You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
