we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
