time to smoke my breakfast
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
