I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
