Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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