i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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