I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
