do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
