i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
