Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
