Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize