If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
