I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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