i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's shark week go big or go home
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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