this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need to sanitize my soul.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
