i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
