I think I won the penis lottery.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
