I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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