Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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