I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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