He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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