I want to walk on stilts...naked
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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