Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
