maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
