how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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