She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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