My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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