Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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