Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
