Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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