1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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