i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
