I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize