he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
