I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
