it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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