Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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