Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
