He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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