I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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