I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
