Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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