i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
