we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
