Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
