I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
