just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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