i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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