Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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